When someone new, someone exciting comes into my life and breathes vigour and passion, I always find ways and means to dig up my past and try to analyse em and work on em so that I will be much better.
This mind process sounds real good but it sure is detrimental to my feelings and my state of mental well being.
Detriment, you say?
Exactly. My mind will wind back to the days where i was a bt batok sec student and instantly realising how under-achieved, under-accomplished and downright kental i was.
then the disaster that was innova.
i played too much footy, that no one knew me and my grades plunged into the ultimate abyss. I got no recognition, I garnered no awards and post-National Slavery I hve to suffer the embarrassment of being school-less, course-less and well, useless.
misery compounded when i tell my NS tale.
a tale of sordid affairs with the other side, late night partying, wasting my life like a rich spoilt brat and the squandering of a copious amount of dough.
i just checked my bank account balance.
it does not belong to an ex-leftenant from civil defence. period.
im tired. i keep beating myself up, rewinding my sins, replaying my losses and never once can i come up with something positive to cheer me on.
maybe im just not trying hard. or maybe not trying at all.
at nights like this, when a new person enters the equation, i evaluate my self.
and maybe too harshly.
bt theyre all cold hard truths.
and i cannot handle the truth.
i wanna be known.
i wanna be recognised.
i wanna win something.
i wanna break a record.
i wanna get a hot bod.
i wanna top the nation academically.
i wanna be a successful young man with the world beneath his proverbial wings.
i wanna on teevee.
i wanna be on air.
i wanna be with you.
usually, post-evaluation i'd given up, threw in the towel and concede my shortcomings and provide no alternate debate to extol me virtues.
it shall change.
for if icant motivate the girl, she will motivate me.
and i will be successful.
i will get my licences.
i will win a host of things.
i will have a frakin hot bod.
i will be young and envied.
i will be on tv.
i will shock your air waves.
and i most certainly will be with you.
P.S Nvr give me lonely nights. I will think. Overthink.
The Skinny
Flava
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3 comments:
idiot. aku baru online ngan kau. aper yang lonely night. u think too much la dinie!~ be more eerrrr,positive can? (:
apedah kau dok...kiter2 bukan members per? hahaha..ouh ok aku paham...ni mesti ader kena mengena ngan ehem2..*winks*...
Sometimes, we look too much at the things that we want and don't have and not realizing and appreciating what we've already have.
Accomplishments may fall short now, but the future holds so much for us.
Don't despair at what we lack, but be appreciative of our progress so far and strive for more.
In anycase, your friend of 13 years will always be around and I'm sure that in time to come, we would be somebody. And we will chat and reminisce at the successes that came our way. =)
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